Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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