I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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