I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
