He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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