No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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