oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
