I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
