I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
