Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
