I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
