So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
