EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize