Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
