I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
