you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
