proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
