i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
