Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
