I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
