I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
