chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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