My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
