...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
