then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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