If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
