Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
