i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
