I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize