So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
