Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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