you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
