We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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