Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
