I CAN MOONWALK!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
