i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
