My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
