I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
