i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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