If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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