how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
