My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
