Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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