Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
