A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night