Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The feeling are messing with the penis
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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