If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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