she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
