What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
