he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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