I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
