So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
