Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Randomize
