I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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