OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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