the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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