I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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