i can't believe i had my finger in that
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
