my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
