Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She's the barista slut.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
