Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
