I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
