there's paper in my vomit.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
