so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The Olympian is in my bed
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
