Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I need to align my fucking chakras
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
