so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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