I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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