last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
