Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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