so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
