marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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