I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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