dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We named our party play list daddy issues
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
