i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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