We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
