We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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