No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
