Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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