Kiss
Puke
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
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