Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
