it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
