I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
