There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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