Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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