Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Got a toothbrush?

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  (734): Got a toothbrush? http://tfl.nu/c7ae
  Replies (7) Good night (1874) Bad night (896) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.

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  (773): My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas. http://tfl.nu/zv1j
  Replies (1) Good night (516) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
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  (347): View more from New York

  i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties

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  (347): i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties http://tfl.nu/y66a
  Replies (16) Good night (923) Bad night (390) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.

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  (480): I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it. http://tfl.nu/fq9i
  Replies (14) Good night (1764) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno

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  (518): i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno http://tfl.nu/fv58
  Replies (29) Good night (454) Bad night (2808) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?

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  (404): I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of? http://tfl.nu/2d4m
  Replies (21) Good night (596) Bad night (5158) Order T-Shirt
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  (530): View more from California

  I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!

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  (530): I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds! http://tfl.nu/6diw
  Replies (62) Good night (6550) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.

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  (732): I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something. http://tfl.nu/rxn8
  Replies (22) Good night (4029) Bad night (1401) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.

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  (314): the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick. http://tfl.nu/zpzn
  Replies (18) Good night (1063) Bad night (6157) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.

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  (919): Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar. http://tfl.nu/xoz4
  Replies (3) Good night (2583) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?

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  (913): Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar? http://tfl.nu/6f8e
  Replies (10) Good night (2198) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake

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  (267): My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake http://tfl.nu/gq0m
  Replies (13) Good night (3353) Bad night (1161) Order T-Shirt
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  (707): View more from California

  He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.

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  (707): He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed. http://tfl.nu/sv05
  Replies (5) Good night (587) Bad night (953) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.

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  (908): I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping. http://tfl.nu/2e7t
  Replies (18) Good night (832) Bad night (1513) Order T-Shirt
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much

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  (309): Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much http://tfl.nu/b8oh
  Replies (1) Good night (193) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt

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