I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?