There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it