I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
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Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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